


Forgiveness

by magicalIdiot



Series: If Aoi was left behind [4]
Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Akane faces the consequences of her actions, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Junpei has a bad day, Light is angry at Akane for kidnapping Clover, Mentions of Dismemberment, Nightmares, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Team Protect Junpei At All Costs, and really he has every right to be, vague ZTD spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28864317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalIdiot/pseuds/magicalIdiot
Summary: It has been a few weeks since the Decision Game, and Akane has obediently stayed away from Junpei's, Aoi's, Light's, and Clover's apartment. But she can only stay uninvolved for so long, and today, Junpei needs her help.
Relationships: Kurashiki Akane/Tenmyouji Junpei, Seven & Tenmyouji Junpei, except their relationship status is still a bit vague
Series: If Aoi was left behind [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110935
Comments: 7
Kudos: 14





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of a series but it can easily function as a standalone post-canon fic!
> 
> Things that diverge from canon:  
> \- Junpei lives with Aoi, Light, and Clover in the year that he's searching for Akane  
> \- Junpei does not propose to Akane at Dcom
> 
> Things that are ridiculous in canon that I kept anyway:  
> \- Akane kidnaps Clover and Alice before Dcom (seriously why does she do this)

Akane is sitting at the Kashiwabaras' dining table playing a game of solitaire when Hazuki stalks up to her and shoves a cell phone in her hand. “Come on. We’re going.”

“Where?” Akane asks, looking at the cell phone in confusion.

“Your brother’s apartment. Quickly. He’s on the phone,” Hazuki snaps. Akane jumps to her feet and puts the phone to her ear. As she talks, she slips on her shoes and follows Hazuki out the door and down the stairs.

“What’s going on? I thought Light and Clover don’t—”

“—want to see you ever again? Yeah, call this a temporary truce or whatever. Junpei’s having a really, really bad day,” Aoi says, and Akane has known him long enough to hear the subtle panic in his voice. “He woke up half an hour ago screaming in pain. When Seven picked him up, he grabbed Seven’s shirt, but he hasn’t responded to anything since then: touch, sight, sound. And he keeps saying your name.”

“My name…?” Akane frowns. “Has he said anything else?”

“Stop, don’t die, don’t kill him, I’m sorry. I think it’s just those four, over and over,” Aoi says. “Look, I don’t know what happened at Dcom, and I haven’t asked because it clearly fucked both of you up. But I have to ask now, because I don’t know what the hell else he could be seeing right now.”

“There’s lots of things he could be seeing,” Akane says, biting her bottom lip.

“Give me your best guess,” Aoi says desperately.

“I don’t know. I— I can tell you what I think might be happening to him,” Akane says, and she takes a deep breath to force her panic down. “Hongou only ever had us send information through the morphogenetic field, but you can do much more than that. If you know what you’re doing, you can send your consciousness through the field, too, to alternate timelines. It’s called SHIFTing.”

Akane can practically hear the color drain from Aoi’s face. “Holy shit.”

“At Dcom, we had to SHIFT a lot. There were… a lot of bad outcomes. And from what I saw, Junpei has a lot of power, but not enough control. He can SHIFT  _ too _ well. Instead of smoothly jumping from one timeline to the next, he ends up stuck between timelines, experiencing multiple realities at the same time. It’s effortless for him, but that’s the problem,” Akane explains.

“If it’s effortless, then that means he SHIFTs on accident. Holy fuck, no wonder his hallucinations are so realistic,” Aoi realizes.

“Right. If he’s just thinking about something, he might accidentally SHIFT to a timeline that’s related to that thought. And given everything we just experienced, the things at the top of his mind are…” Akane trails off.

“Shit. Okay. So he’s probably halfway SHIFTed into the past,” Aoi says. “How do we get him out?”

Akane pauses to think. Truthfully, she has no idea, but surely she can think of  _ something _ . “Junpei knows the problem. He knows that he’s SHIFTed. He just needs to realize that one of the realities he’s in is this one, and he can SHIFT back. How do you usually pull him out?”

“He’s usually responsive to touch and semi-responsive to sound, but he’s not responding to anything right now. Smell and sight pretty much never work. He always sees and smells blood everywhere— Shit, he’s trying to move. I gotta help out. Get here as quick as you can.” Aoi hangs up before Akane can respond, and she hands the phone back to Hazuki.

“SHIFTing, huh…” Hazuki sighs and shakes her head in dismay. “Junpei just can’t seem to catch a break.”

Akane looks away, guilt caught in her throat. Maybe if she’d never forced Junpei to save her life, he wouldn’t have awakened to his esper powers, and he wouldn’t be suffering now.

“Um… Kashiwabara-san… how long has this been happening to Junpei?” Akane asks quietly.

Hazuki pauses for a moment, then says, “Since April of last year, I believe. Before that, it was just nightmares of alternate timelines, according to Aoi.”

“I see…” Junpei’s experience is frighteningly similar to her own. He might even be more powerful than her, with the right training.

Maybe this is why Aoi is mad at her. If she’d been here, she could have—

It’s too late for thinking like that. She just has to make up for it now.

They get to Aoi’s apartment ten minutes later. It’s a surprisingly short walk, and Akane has to wonder if Ennea and Nona live this close to Aoi, Junpei, Clover, and Light on purpose. Hazuki pulls a key out of her purse and opens the door; apparently she has a key to their apartment.

The apartment is eerily silent when they walk in. Seven is sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, cradling Junpei in his arms. Junpei’s eyes are open, but there’s no emotion in them except for raw horror. Light is sitting on the sofa, running his fingers through Junpei’s hair, and Clover and Aoi are on the floor, trying to talk to Junpei. It’s just like Aoi had said over the phone: Junpei isn’t responding to anything.

Hazuki sits down next to Seven. Akane sits down next to Clover and takes Junpei’s hand. She closes her eyes and reaches out into the field, searching down the timeline for Junpei’s presence. A strong wave of energy pushes her back to the present, forcing her eyes open. Junpei is pushing her away on  _ purpose _ . No, not just her. He’s pushing Aoi, Light, and Clover away, too. 

He doesn’t want any of them to have to see whatever he’s seeing.

“Junpei,” she says quietly. “Let us help you. Please. Let us in.” Junpei’s finger twitches in her hand. “You don’t have to carry all this pain by yourself. Your friends want to help you.”

“Can’t,” Junpei gasps. “Can’t… get…”

“Tell us what you’re seeing. We will  _ help _ you get out,” Akane says firmly.

Junpei curls up into an even tighter ball than he had been in before, and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Stop… please…”

“We want to help you, Junpei,” Clover says. “Please. It hurts to see you like this.”

“No…” Junpei shakes his head slowly. “No, no, no…”

Akane cups Junpei’s face with one hand. “What is it that you always tell me, Junpei? That I don’t have to do things alone? Take your own advice. Tell us what you’re seeing.”

Junpei falls silent for a moment. He slowly peeks his head out, eyes still closed. “Dying… Cut apart… Mira...” Junpei chokes out, his words barely above a whisper.

Akane forces down her panic. This is the timeline where she and Carlos… No, not the time to think about that. “He’s experiencing someone… dismember him. Piece by piece,” Akane whispers grimly. She doesn’t have to look to see the horror on everyone’s faces.

“Junpei, can you move your hand for me?” Aoi says gently, placing Junpei’s free hand in his own. “Just a little bit, okay?”

Junpei whimpers, but his hand twitches. “Aoi…”

“Good job. See? You’re all in one piece. Now, do you think you can move your other hand?” Aoi coaxes. Akane’s reminded of how he used to do this for her when she couldn’t think of anything but burning alive, fire consuming her whole.

Junpei’s hand twitches in hers, then grabs hold. His grip is weak, but it’s there. “A...Akane…” he mumbles.

“I’m right here, Junpei,” Akane says gently.

Junpei slowly lets go of her hand and places it on Seven’s chest. “S-seven…?”

“I’ve got you, kid. I’ve got you,” Seven says, trying his best to smile.

Junpei’s whole body shudders, and he presses himself against Seven. “C...cold…” Junpei opens his eyes slowly. “Really… cold…”

Light takes a blanket off the couch and hands it down to Clover, who wraps Junpei up in the blanket bit by bit. “You’re not dying, Junpei. You’re alive. You’re… you’re right here,” she whispers.

“Clover…” he mumbles, pulling the blanket closer. He opens his eyes slowly and looks around, gaze unfocused. He slowly moves his arm out from under the blanket and places it on Light’s knee. “Light?”

“I’m right here, Junpei.” Light takes Junpei’s hand and squeezes it lightly.

“H-Hazuki?” he whispers, and Hazuki gently places a hand on Junpei’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Junpei. You’re safe. You’re with us,” she says soothingly.

“So much… blood…” Junpei continues to shiver even with the blanket wrapped around him. He closes his eyes again and begins to cry silently. “I can’t get out… I can’t…”

“Yes you can. I know you can.” Akane wipes Junpei’s tears with her thumb. “Here. Describe your apartment to me.”

“Um…” Junpei winces in reaction to something Akane can’t see. “There’s… a couch, and a futon… next to it. Aoi… Aoi is usually in the kitchen, a-and…” Junpei suddenly yelps in pain. “H-hurts…”

“What hurts?” Clover asks.

“Left arm… cut off…” Junpei shivers again. Clover begins massaging his left shoulder, and he relaxes a little bit. “Light… plays the harp, and it’s… really nice. Clover… gives good massages… a-and… Aoi makes good food… A-and… Clover’s room has lots of pillows… Light’s room has really thick curtains… U-um, there’s… a lot of audiobooks… and case files...”

Junpei opens his eyes and all the tension leaves his body. “Home…”

“Welcome back,” Clover says with a smile.

Junpei begins to sob loudly.

Akane sits back and lets Aoi, Clover, Light, and Seven calm Junpei down. They’re better at it, anyway, and she… well, talking to her might upset him. She doesn’t want to give Junpei any more to worry about. He’s got enough to handle right now.

“Akane…?” Junpei looks up at her, voice shaking. “Are you… real?”

Well, that wasn’t what she’d been expecting. “U-um, yes, I’m real. Would you like to check?” Junpei nods. Akane moves a little closer, and Junpei slowly reaches his hand out. His fingers barely graze her cheek, then move down to grasp her hand.

“Th-thank you…” Junpei says quietly.

Akane smiles softly. “I didn’t do anything special. There’s no need to thank me.”

“I couldn’t… get back. You helped,” Junpei says slowly. “Thank you. A-and, Clover, Light, I-I’m sorry that y-you had to let Akane—”

“You’re an idiot. Shut up,” Clover says before Junpei can finish his sentence.

“B-but—”

“What Clover  _ means _ to say is that we are both mature enough to put aside our feelings if that is what is required to help you,” Light says gently.

“A-are you… sure?” Junpei sounds so small, so unlike the confident hero that Akane is used to seeing him as. In the Decision Game, he’d been so terse and indifferent. Now he just seemed... broken.

“Yeah, you dumbass. We’re sure,” Aoi says dismissively.

“Okay.” Junpei closes his eyes. “Um, Seven, can I just… stay here? For a while?”

“Yep. No problem. I’ve got a clear schedule today,” Seven says, and Junpei hums contentedly as Seven pulls him closer.

“Thanks…” Junpei’s voice is so quiet that Akane can barely hear it.

They sit in silence until they know from the gentle rise and fall of his chest that Junpei is asleep. Light stands up, and Hazuki takes over his job of stroking Junpei’s hair. “Akane. Can we talk in the other room, please?” he says quietly.

Akane stiffens, but she nods and stands up as well. Clover and Aoi exchange a glance, then follow Light and Akane into one of the bedrooms. Given how many papers are all over the floor and how unused the bed is, Akane guesses that this is Junpei’s room.

“What did you want to talk about?” Akane says, trying her best not to sound nervous.

“Why,” Light says, consumed by an icy calmness, “did you kidnap my sister?”

“I…” Akane hesitates. “I had to. For the timeline where… things went poorly at Dcom. Free the Soul was planning to release a highly contagious and dangerous virus. If that happened, Clover and Alice were needed to…” Akane shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry.”

“Are you actually sorry, or are you just saying it?” Light says coldly.

Akane hesitates. It’s complicated. “I… I don’t know. I wish I could be sorry, but I know that in that timeline, I have no choice but to reconstruct the future I’ve seen so that a timeline exists where the world doesn’t get consumed by disease. In other words, that timeline is necessary for this one to exist.”

“Then you’re just saying it,” Clover says, crossing her arms.

“No, I— I wish I didn’t have to follow the timeline. I wish there was a better way. Maybe there is, and I just can’t find it. I don’t…” Akane holds back frustrated tears. She’s not explaining this well, but she can’t find the words to do a better job. She takes a deep breath. “Let me ask you this. Do you think I wanted to kidnap all of you and put you in Building Q?”

“That depends on the definition of  _ want _ , I suppose, but for argument’s sake, let’s assume that neither you nor Aoi wanted to spend nine years of your life reconstructing a potentially dangerous and traumatic situation for the sake of confirming your existence,” Light says, precise as ever.

“That’s a good fucking assumption,” Aoi snaps.

“Quiet,” Light says, matching Aoi’s tone perfectly. “Then, do you mean to say that the same is true in this case? That you did not want to kidnap Clover and Alice, but you had no choice?”

“I had to. To confirm the existence of this  _ timeline _ ,” Akane says. “I don’t know if… Junpei has told you about the other timeline, but it’s…” Akane can’t bring herself to talk about it. It’s not something she needs to burden them with. “It’s not good. For anyone.”

Light makes a dissatisfied noise. “Clover, how do you feel about this?”

“Hmm. I guess it checks out. She didn’t hurt us or anything,” Clover says with a shrug. “What  _ I’m _ angry about is how you spent nine hours flirting with Junpei only to disappear for a  _ whole year _ !”

“That was a mistake,” Akane says quietly. “I’m really sorry. I… just didn’t want Junpei to be involved in all this, but I didn’t realize that he would involve himself anyway. I hurt him for no reason at all.”

Clover frowns. “Are you really sorry? You’re going to try super hard not to hurt him again?”

“Yes. I never wanted to hurt him, but I did. So I need to try harder this time,” Akane says earnestly. “I might have to ask you all for help. I might make mistakes. But I… I really love Junpei, and I want him to be happy.”

Clover examines her for a minute, then nods. “Okay. You’re on parole,” she declares.

“What, she’s your prisoner now?” Aoi says drily.

“Of course! You’re still my prisoner, too, you know,” Clover says with a grin. Aoi punches her in the shoulder, but her grin only seems to widen.

“What does it mean to… be on parole?” Akane asks slowly, looking to Aoi for help.

Aoi groans and shakes his head. “It means Clover gets to make you do whatever the hell she wants. Like paying her rent for an entire fucking year.”

“Oh,  _ please _ . Just admit that you don’t mind at all,” Clover says stubbornly.

Aoi huffs and turns away, but Akane can read him like a book. He’s happy here, with Clover and Light and Junpei. She’s glad that he found a place where he can finally be himself without feeling the obligation to look after her.

“I’ll do my best,” Akane promises.

Light and Clover exchange a look and then nod. “In that case, what would you say to living here? I believe Junpei will be more at ease with you around.”

“Are you… sure? I thought my presence might upset him,” Akane says, confused. “He seemed very uneasy around me at Dcom.”

“Come on, do you think we’d ask you to live here if we hadn’t already gotten his permission  _ first _ ?” Clover says.

“I just wanted to make sure,” Akane says sheepishly. “Then… yes, I would like the chance to prove myself to you all.”

“Great! You and Junpei can share this room, since Junpei doesn’t even sleep!” Clover says happily.

“The goal is to get him to sleep, remember?” Aoi says, jabbing Clover with his elbow. “We’ll move the futon in here. I don’t even use this desk, anyway, so we might as well get rid of it.”

“Awwww, does it make you uncomfortable to think that your sister might be sleeping with another person?” Clover teases.

“First of all, fuck you. Second of all, no, but I don’t want to  _ force _ them to share a bed,” Aoi gripes. He and Clover begin to bicker, and Akane can’t help but smile. Aoi had always been too scared to be mean to her, but he doesn’t seem to mind being mean to Clover.

“Akane.” Light looks over at her, although his eyes are closed, so it’s mostly a gesture for her benefit. “Do you understand what it means to love someone?”

Akane is thrown off by the question. “You want to protect them and do what’s best for them, even if it’s hard or it hurts. You… would do anything for them.”

Light nods. “That will serve as a sufficient definition. Now, consider the situation where your love is reciprocated. You love Junpei and would do anything to assure his safety. However, he also loves you, and would do anything to assure  _ your _ safety. Sometimes, these two impulses will conflict,” Light explains.

“Oh, I see now. You’re saying that the things I do to protect Junpei might upset him because he wants to be there to protect me, too,” Akane says.

Light nods. “Precisely. For example, I wanted to quit SOIS, but I knew that if I did, Clover would be forced to quit as well. Perhaps, I should have told her my feelings on the matter, but I thought it would be better to hide them. Once she found out, she was furious with me for not considering that as much as I want her to be happy, she wants me to be happy, as well.”

“So when I chose to leave Junpei behind…”

“You weren’t considering how he might feel about that, were you? You were simply doing what you thought would keep him safe,” Light says evenly. Akane can’t tell if he’s angry or if he’s just stating the facts.

“I really thought he would be happier without me,” Akane says quietly. “I put him through the Nonary Game, so why would he… still want to protect me…?”

“Junpei is quick to forgive and quick to blame himself. When you left, he interpreted it as a sign that you did not return his affections. And even then, that did not stop him from searching for you.  _ That _ is how much he cares about you, Akane,” Light says firmly.

Akane falls silent. Even after the events at Dcom, it’s still hard to believe that Junpei loves her, especially after everything she’s done. But how many times has he given his life to save hers? How many times has he jumped into danger without worrying about his safety, even  _ knowing _ that he would die?

Light turns back to Clover’s and Aoi’s bickering, which has now turned into a wrestling match. He smiles fondly. “I believe that one of the core components of a good relationship is figuring out how to compromise between these two conflicting impulses. You must trust the other person to know what they can handle, and in turn, you must also accept their protection when you need it.”

“It’s a two way street,” Akane realizes.

Light nods. “Indeed. If you wish to repair your relationship with Junpei, I would advise that you start there. Loving him is not enough. You must also trust him, and listen to what he wants and needs.” Light turns back to Akane and smiles. “Do you understand now?”

“Yes, but I still have one question. Why are you helping me?” Akane asks.

“Consider it a compromise between my desire to protect Junpei from being hurt again and his desire to give you a second chance despite the risks. If I’m going to respect Junpei’s wish, then at the very least, I ought to provide my support,” Light says simply, as if it’s obvious.

Akane smiles warmly. “Thank you. Junpei is lucky to have friends like you.”

“Hmph. Given his terrible luck thus far, I would say he deserves to have things go his way every once in a while,” Light says dismissively.

Akane hesitates. “What do I have to do to repair my relationship with you?”

“Ah, I hadn’t expected such a question. Prove that you’re good for Junpei, and stop kidnapping my sister. I think that would be a good start,” Light says, and for the first time, there’s humor in his voice.

Akane returns his smile. “I think that’s a good place to start, too.”

~*~

Hazuki commands Aoi, Light, and Clover to take naps since they all woke up when Junpei did, and Akane is shocked to see all three of them obey her without a word. Hazuki must notice Akane’s expression, because she says, “They can argue with each other all they like, but  _ nobody _ argues with me.”

Akane laughs quietly. It seems that some things haven’t changed.

Junpei is still sleeping peacefully in Seven’s arms, so Hazuki and Akane sit down on either side of him and wait, just in case he accidentally SHIFTs again. Now that Akane’s alone with Hazuki and Seven, she has time to ask them a few questions, actually.

“Um, when we were at Dcom, Junpei mentioned that he’d been hospitalized in October for alcohol withdrawal. Could you…. tell me what happened?” Akane asks.

Hazuki sighs. “If he’s told you that much, then we might as well give you the full story. I’d rather you hear it from us than him. I don’t think he enjoys talking about it.”

“After the Nonary Game, Junpei dropped off the grid. He’d given us all his phone number, but he wouldn’t respond to text messages or calls for weeks at a time. All we knew was that he was busy looking for you. After you moved out of Aoi’s place, Clover and Light ran into Aoi at the grocery store,” Seven says.

“At the grocery store?” Akane asks. A chance meeting so mundane as that… it was incredible what could alter timelines.

“Yes. It really was unexpected. Clover somehow convinced Aoi to do us all these favors to apologize for kidnapping us, and one of those favors was letting Junpei live at his place, since your room was no longer in use. I think by then, he already had a drinking problem, but it wasn’t… as bad,” Hazuki says, her voice turning grim near the end. “At the time, we thought that his nightmares were just a normal trauma response to the events of the Nonary Game.”

“Light and Clover figured that Aoi and Junpei living together wasn’t a good idea, because they both just spent all their time looking for you, so they forced Aoi and Junpei to move in here. By then, it was pretty clear that Junpei was an alcoholic, but we were all afraid that if we said anything, he’d bolt again,” Seven says, gaze dropping down to Junpei’s peaceful face. He sighs and shakes his head. “He asked me for names of detective firms that worked underground cases. I… shouldn’t have given him any, but...”

“He would’ve found some on his own, anyway,” Hazuki says dismissively. “Before then, Junpei didn’t have a job or a home. He was a broke alcoholic who’d dropped out of school.”

“Oh, Junpei…” Akane looks down at him and her chest tightens. Why hadn’t she been there? How could she have…

“Couple months passed, things seemed mostly normal. Then, the kids started sharing nightmares with each other at night. Completely on accident, but it wasn’t good for any of ‘em. Junpei was guilty about it since his nightmares were easily the worst of the bunch, so he would skip sleep for days at a time. I gotta hand it to the guy, he’s the most functional sleep-deprived person I’ve ever met,” Seven says, voice downcast.

“Then, he started getting visions during the day. I don’t think he realized that’s what they were, at first. He probably just thought he was hallucinating from lack of sleep. He tried to hide it, but eventually the visions became so realistic that he couldn’t tell what was real anymore. Being haunted during the day and at night was too much for him. There was no way for him to escape.” Hazuki’s voice trembles slightly, and Akane realizes that there are tears in her eyes. 

“He started drinking himself to sleep. We were still too afraid that he’d run away if we intervened,” Seven says gravely. “We couldn’t risk that. If he got stuck somewhere and had nobody to pull him out of his visions…”

Hazuki sighs. “How much do you know about alcohol?” she asks.

“W-well, I don’t really drink, so not much,” Akane admits.

“Okay. A standard drink in the U.S. has about 14 grams of alcohol. So usually one twelve ounce can of beer, one five ounce glass of wine, or one and a half ounces of spirit, which is about the size of a shot. For men, it’s recommended to limit yourself to two drinks in a day, and more than five drinks in an hour is considered binge drinking. Does that make sense so far?” Hazuki says. Akane is reminded that despite Hazuki’s impatience and stubbornness, she’s actually quite knowledgeable.

“I think so, yes,” Akane says.

“Now, Junpei’s favorite drink is scotch. Scotch is a type of spirit. So how much should you limit yourself to in a day?” Hazuki asks.

“Two shots.” Akane frowns. “Don’t people usually drink a lot more than that?”

Hazuki waves her hand dismissively. “Sure, sure. Let’s say you’re binge drinking. You might take ten shots in an hour. Fifteen ounces at the most. Point is, it doesn’t take a lot of scotch to get someone drunk. Of course, if you’ve been drinking every day, your tolerance might be a little higher. Especially if you drink every day on practically an empty stomach like our dear idiot here.”

Akane doesn’t like where this is going, but she nods.

“A typical bottle of scotch whiskey is twenty five and a half ounces. How many shots is that?” Hazuki asks.

Akane quickly does the math. “Seventeen shots, around one and a half times the amount of alcohol you might drink if you were bingeing.”

“Great. To give you a rough estimate, drinking that much alcohol over the course of three hours gives you a blood alcohol content of about 0.53 for someone with Junpei’s build, which has a high chance of death,” Hazuki says casually.

Akane’s stomach drops. “How much was he…?”

“You think I made you do all that math for fun? It got to the point where he was regularly drinking one bottle of scotch a night so he could fall asleep. Or, more accurately, fall unconscious,” Hazuki says grimly. “Aoi, Light, and Clover tried to intervene, and he completely shut them out. He stopped talking to any of us, he stopped eating. We thought he was going to run away, but I guess he knew that he didn’t have enough money to pay for his own housing.”

“We both tried to reach out to him, but he wouldn’t talk to us, either. I know his boss, so I asked him about Junpei, and he said that Junpei had stopped talking at work, too. Only spoke when absolutely necessary.” Seven sighs heavily. “Continued like that for three months. Probably would’ve gone on longer, but I figured out where Free the Soul’s headquarters was, and somehow, Junpei knew. He showed up at our house one day and asked me to take him along with me. That was the first time I’d seen him in months, and he…” Seven trails off, his gaze far away.

“He looked like he was dead,” Hazuki finishes quietly.

Akane glances down at Junpei. Even now, he looks like he’s just days away from collapsing completely. She can’t imagine how it could be any worse than that.

“What… what happened?” Akane asks.

“We did the job. Destroyed Free the Soul headquarters. I should’ve paid closer attention to him, damn it, but he specifically asked me not to let him drink. I thought he’d gone clean. I guess he  _ technically _ did, but…” Seven shakes his head.

“Usually, when someone is trying to quit drinking, and they usually drink as much as Junpei did, they gradually lower the amount they’re drinking bit by bit until they stop. That way, their body gets used to the adjustment in alcohol intake. Well, Junpei… didn’t do that,” Hazuki says, voice dripping with scorn. “He stopped all at once, and then went two days without drinking a single drop.”

“Oh my goodness…” Akane gives Hazuki a worried look. “Is that why he was hospitalized?”

“Oh, no, it gets worse,” Hazuki says dryly. “A couple hours after Junpei had returned home from the mission, he texted us both saying that Light and Clover were having an argument, and Clover had stormed out of the apartment. Light was devastated, and Aoi had a panic attack as a result of the argument. Junpei wanted us to check on them if we didn’t hear from him in the morning.”

“We heard from him in the morning, but a few hours later, we got a call from Aoi. Junpei had collapsed and had a seizure, so they were taking him to the emergency room. Turns out the kid didn’t drink that night, either. That’s three days of no drinking, which for Junpei also meant three days of no sleep,” Seven said gravely.

“Do you know what alcohol withdrawal is, Akane?” Hazuki asks. Akane shakes her head. “Well, when someone stops drinking so suddenly, their nervous system has trouble recalibrating. It can lead to all sorts of symptoms, such as shaking, sweating, feeling disoriented or confused, and, if you’re not careful, death. On top of that, Junpei hadn’t slept for three days, which meant he was already tired and couldn’t think straight.”

Hazuki fell silent, leaving Akane to draw her own conclusions. Given the sadness she could see in Hazuki’s and Seven’s eyes, things had probably been dire. Junpei had told her that he’d almost died, so she’d expected the situation to be bad, but…

“How… bad was it…?” Akane asks, scared of what the answer will be.

“Did you know that Junpei panics when under anesthesia now? Well, when someone’s in that bad of a state, anesthesia’s practically the only way to save their life. Damn idiot kept pulling his own IV out and trying to run out of the hospital.” Hazuki’s words are harsh, but her voice is quiet and shaky, nothing like its usual bold tenor. “Well, when you panic under anesthesia, the only solution is  _ more _ anesthetic. You can imagine how well that went.”

“We’re lucky that he survived,” Seven says softly.

Akane swallows her tears. She’s overwhelmed by guilt. All of this, just because he wanted to find her.

“Does he still drink?” Akane asks.

“It’s hard to break an addiction. He’s trying his best, but it’s not easy,” Hazuki says with a sad smile.

“He made sure he was clean for Dcom, at least. Drinking himself to sleep wouldn’t be an option there, so he knew he had to get used to sleepless nights and hallucinations again.” Seven sighs. “No matter what he tried, the visions wouldn’t go away. He just went right back to skipping sleep for days at a time.”

“He said he didn’t sleep at all at Dcom,” Akane says, voice breaking as she speaks.

“Well, he didn’t sleep  _ before _ Dcom, either. Clover went missing two days before he was supposed to report to the test site, and he only slept once that whole time,” Hazuki says with dismay.

“Like I said, the kid’s too good at surviving on no sleep. He helped us take down the Myrmidons and it was like nothing was wrong with him at all. I asked him about it afterwards and he said that he was seeing shit the whole time,” Seven says.

“At Dcom, too, he was…” Akane trails off as Junpei begins to stir in Seven’s arms. Hazuki stiffens and then gives Akane a very clear “this never happened” look.

Junpei opens his eyes and looks up at Seven sleepily. “Are you sure you don’t have somewhere to be?” he mumbles.

“Yup. Self-employment means I only work when I want to,” Seven says with a grin.

“Urgh…” Junpei instinctively draws his knees closer to his chest. “‘M really nauseous. But if I throw up, I’ll... lose everything I ate today…”

“Do you think you can drink some water?” Seven asks gently.

Junpei moans. “I don’t… wanna… but I will.”

Seven gently sits Junpei up, and Hazuki stands up to go get a glass of water.

Junpei closes his eyes. “Akane… do you know why I’m so… cold?”

Akane shakes her head. “I’m sorry, Junpei, but I don’t know. Maybe it’s because all of these SHIFTs are putting undue stress on your body?”

“You can say that again…” Junpei leans his head against Seven’s chest. “Are you… sure this is okay? It must be boring, just sitting here.”

“Junpei, stop worrying about if you’re inconveniencing us,” Hazuki says, returning with a reusable water bottle with a squirt cap. She hands it to Junpei, and Junpei starts to sip slowly, the bottle shaking in his hands.

“They say a parent’s greatest joy is to hold their child, y’know?” Seven says with a soft smile.

Junpei frowns. “But I’m not… I mean, not by blood, so you don’t have to have unconditional love for me.”

“What if we still do, anyway?” Hazuki asks.

“Mmm…” Junpei closes his eyes and drinks a little more water. “Then, you’re dumb. I’m not worth it.”

“What makes you think that you aren’t worth our love, Junpei?” Hazuki’s voice is gentle, but her expression is fierce. Luckily, Junpei can’t see it.

“I can’t do anything right. All I do is cause problems that you guys feel like you have to solve,” Junpei says quietly. His voice is shaking with fear and exhaustion.

“You saved my life,” Akane points out.

“You saved your own life. I was just… the empty vessel,” Junpei says stubbornly. “So I solved one sudoku. Anyone could do that.”

“But you  _ did _ .”

“Hazuki could’ve—”

“Junpei,” Hazuki says sternly, and he immediately falls silent. “Akane is right. She needed  _ you _ there so she could resonate with you. She couldn’t resonate with just anyone.”

“I needed the person who I looked up to as my hero, who was always saving me and supporting me and showing me kindness without wanting anything in return,” Akane says warmly. “You’re not just an empty vessel, Junpei. You’re a kind, empathetic person who always wants to help others.”

Junpei buries his head in Seven’s chest. Seven gently strokes Junpei’s hair. “Junpei, we love you. You don’t have to do anything to deserve it.”

“But I— I just— keep making everyone support me… I can’t do anything on my own,” Junpei says tearfully.

“That’s not true, but even if it was, it’s not a bad thing to rely on others for help,” Hazuki says, rubbing circles into Junpei’s back.

Junpei cries quietly into Seven’s shirt. Akane’s heart aches in her chest. She did this. He feels this way because she convinced him that he doesn’t deserve anything. And it  _ hurts _ to see him like this, to see him so devastated. She doesn’t know how to reach him. How can she pull him out of this despair?

Finally, Junpei sniffles and pulls away. “S-Sorry. Your shirt’s all wet.”

“I can do laundry,” Hazuki says dismissively.

“I, um…” Junpei looks over at Hazuki, then at Akane. “I’m sorry that I’m so much to handle. Thank you for being here.”

“Did you hear  _ anything _ we just said? You don’t need to thank us. We all want to see you get through this,” Hazuki says sharply.

“What if I… don’t? Get through this, I mean.”

Akane shakes her head. “I will do everything in my power to make sure that you do. And I don’t give up until I achieve my goals.”

Junpei gives her a shaky smile. “No, you don’t…”

“We’re not going anywhere, kid. We all want to be here to lift you up,” Seven says, ruffling Junpei’s hair affectionately. Junpei hugs Seven as tightly as he’s capable of, which admittedly isn’t much because of how little he’s eaten recently.

“I’m gonna… do my best,” Junpei says softly. “To… feel happy again.”

“Don’t try to do it all on your own, okay? Honestly, both of you need to learn to ask for help,” Hazuki says, looking straight at Akane.

Akane laughs sheepishly. “Yes, you’re right. It’s something we can work on together.”

“T-together,” Junpei agrees. His eyelids begin to droop. “But maybe… sleep first.”

“Sleep as long as you want,” Seven says.

Junpei makes a muffled noise as he curls up against Seven, blanket still wrapped around him. Hazuki takes the water bottle from Junpei so he can get comfortable. “You’re… the best pillow…” he mumbles.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Seven says with a smile.

“Akane… you can go, if you wanna,” Junpei says, cracking his eyes open a little to look in her direction.

“Light and Clover asked me to live here, actually. I won’t be going anywhere,” Akane says.

“I… owe them…” Junpei’s voice gets quieter as he begins to drift off.

Akane smiles. Now that Junpei is asleep again, she’s suddenly very tired. She hasn’t slept well, either, since the events at Dcom, although she’s fortunate enough not to SHIFT in her sleep.

“You can sleep, too, you know,” Seven says with an amused smile. “Apparently, I’m a great pillow.”

“Are you sure?” Akane asks hesitantly.

“C’mon, Akane. You don’t have to act distant forever just because you feel guilty about the last year,” Seven says.

Akane stiffens. Seven really  _ is _ a good detective. Of course he’d noticed. “...Thank you,” she says quietly, and she leans on his shoulder. Junpei isn’t wrong; Seven  _ is  _ a good pillow. Something about him just makes her feel safe.

That had been true ten years ago, too.

Akane closes her eyes and surrenders to the darkness of sleep.


End file.
